And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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