rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i believe in u and ur pee
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
