Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
