i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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