i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
