He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
