if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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