im about as happy as oj after his trial
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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