You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
