the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
