i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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