nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
