I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.