P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato