Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas