Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.