i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
