It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize