i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
