...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
