i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize