Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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