you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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