I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
