just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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