Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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