I need help removing her.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
