I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
