i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize