so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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