remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
