yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
