I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
