Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
