Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
