My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
