Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
