I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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