just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
