I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
