I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
