Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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