i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
