boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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