No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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