Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
its liver damage thursday
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
