She went from zero to smokin in five shots
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
