and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
