chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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