pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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