you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
