The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
