Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
