Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
