walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
