I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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