how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
