I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
