It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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