so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
