I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
