if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
